Can't I Have You Both?
by Qedrian41
Summary: After the Reaper War, everyone has demons to deal with and is mentally scarred someway, somehow. Sometimes one needs someone to lean on for support, and in some cases, some two...
1. Insomnia

The Reaper War was over, at long last. The galaxy was rebuilding, trying to restore society to how it was before the Reapers came. Not just physically, but in the hearts and minds of those who had witnessed it. Many were left mentally scarred, having seen so much death and destruction in just a few short months. One such woman who was left scarred was Commander Jane Shepard, commanding officer of the Normandy SR-2. She suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety, and survivor's guilt.

It was late, probably around two or three in the morning, and Shepard was still awake. Her bondmate, Liara T'Soni, however, slept soundly on the bed that the two shared. Jane sat at her desk, orange light from her private terminal shining bright in the darkness. Her eyes were bloodshot and below them were two large dark circles. She was exhausted, horribly so, yet she couldn't sleep, try as she might. She stared at her screen, toiling away at work for the next day, as she had nothing else to do. Her eyelids were heavier than lead and Shepard could barely keep them open, but even when they did close, she was only asleep for but a few precious seconds before she roused herself.

Each time Shepard briefly fell into slumber, she woke with a start, which took the form of a loud-ish gasp. One of these such times, Liara was woken by Shepard's sudden noise. She stepped out of bed and over to Shepard, who didn't notice the blue Asari approaching. Liara wrapped her arms around her bondmate from behind.

"Can't sleep?" Liara asked thoughtfully.

Shepard looked back at Liara and gave weak smile. "Yeah."

"Come back to bed, my love."

"Anything for you, Liara." Shepard closed her terminal and stood up. Liara guided her back to their bed and lied her down.

"I'll stay up with you, dear." The Asari pulled the covers up and hugged her ginger companion tightly.

"I love you, so much, Liara." Jane said softly and hugged Liara back, resting her head on the blue alien's shoulder.

"I love you, too, Shepard. Now please sleep; for me."

"Anything for you…."

Liara rubbed Shepard's back until she fell asleep an hour later, at which, the Asari drifted off as well.

Shepard's dreams had been horrifying and that night would be no different. _I am the very model of a scientist Salarian… _Shepard heard. She stood in the black, dead forest, which was no longer black and dead, nor did the child still appear there. It was lush and the sun shined bright through the trees. _I've studied species Turian, Asari, and Batrarian…_.Mordin.That night, she remembered Mordin. _I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology…_. Shepard fell to her knees and the forest began turning black and dead once more. The memories were getting to her. _And I am an expert (which I know is a tautology)…_. The sounds of Reaper destroyers began blaring in her head. _My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian, I am the very model of…_.

Shepard woke with a start and looked at the clock on her nightstand. _6:55_, it read. Liara still slept peacefully in her arms, her breathing steady. Jane eased herself out of bed and lied down on the ground, and started doing sit-ups, sweat slowly forming on her forehead as her repetitions neared one hundred. Once she reached one hundred, she adjusted her position and began doing pushups.

Liara woke with a loud yawn and looked around the room for her bondmate. Once her eyes found the red-haired woman doing pushups on the hard floor, her expression brightened. "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Morning, Liara." Shepard half-grunted.

The Asari got out of bed and started dressing in her white and blue suit, then sat cross-legged in front of Shepard, admiring her beauty, but mainly her breasts, which were on full display.

Shepard finished and stood up, then wiped her forehead off with a washcloth. She took a quick shower, then the two lovers went down hand-in-hand to Deck Three to have breakfast. The rest of the crew was there, eating and talking amongst themselves. The two women sat next to Ashley Williams, who had her own mental problems to deal with and without a partner for her to lean on for support, she wasn't dealing with her issues as well as she could.

Liara took the seat next to Shepard, who had taken the seat next to Ashley.

"How are you feeling, Williams?" Shepard asked and put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Fine." She lied and nursed a cup of black coffee.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm… I'm… not…."

"It's alright, Ashley; we're here for you." Shepard squeezed Ashley's shoulder.

"I didn't sleep. Couldn't."

"You're not the only one."

"You get to sleep with someone. I have to sleep in the crew quarters on a tiny bunk under Engineer Daniels, who, it turns out, snores. Loud. Very, very loud."

"I'm sorry, Ash. I wish there was something I could do to help you."

"There might be a way to help her." Liara whispered into Shepard's ear.

"What is it?" Shepard whispered back.

"Let's talk about it in my room." The two went off into the old XO office, which was where Liara slept before she and Shepard stared sharing a room. Once inside, they locked the door. "You know how we both wouldn't mind adding a third woman to our relationship?"

"Yeah." Shepard said skeptically. "Are you saying that we-"

"Invite the Lieutenant-Commander to be a part of our relationship? Yes."

"I don't know…"

"She's lonely and needs support and has shown interest in both of us in the past. I do not see how this could fail."

"I suppose we could try…. But, you have to ask her; I get so anxious…."

Liara pulled the commander into a warm embrace. "Of course, my love."

They went back into the mess and invited Ashley up to Shepard's quarters. The three of them went up to Deck One.

They walked into the small room. "What did you want to talk to me about?" Ashley asked.

Liara begins. "Ashley, we invited you up here to ask you if… if… if you're willing to be a part of our relationship." She asked with a purple blush on her face.

Ashley was silent for some time before she opened her mouth to speak.


	2. Three's a Crowd

Ashley was taken aback by the couple's request. _A part of your relationship? _She asked herself. _Do I like both of them? Yes. Can I satisfy both of them? Maybe. Am I stable enough for this? I… don't know… _She counted to three and started speaking.

"I… w-would like that. A-a lot." She scratched the back of her head nervously.

Liara held her arms open for a hug. "Come here, Ashley." She smiled warmly at her new partner and looked at her lovingly. Ashley dashed into the Asari's arms and rested her head on her shoulder, then began sobbing uncharacteristically. The blue alien rubbed the soldier's back affectionately. "Let it out, Ashley."

Shepard wrapped her arms around the two of them, making it a group embrace between the three of them. They stood like that for fifteen minutes before Ashley stopped crying.

"Thank you both so much." She wiped her eyes and gave a weak smile. "I hope you like poetry."

When it was time for bed that day, the three of them boarded the elevator up to the captain's quarters. Liara was the most confident of the three, but she still had some lingering anxiety in the back of her head. Jane was absolutely terrified and her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Ashley was just happy that she didn't have to be alone anymore.

They walked into the small room, took turns undressing in the bathroom, and finally lied down on the bed, Liara on the far right, Ashley in the middle, and Jane on the far left. The blanket was pulled up to breast level for all three women. Jane and Liara turned to face Ashley and were laying on their sides. Ashley closed her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep.

"Good night, Ashley." Liara said and started petting the Lieutenant-Commander's long, dark brown hair.

Jane caressed her cheek with her first two fingers. "Sweet dreams, Ash."

"Night, Jane. Night. Liara." Ashley said quietly and started dozing off.

Liara was the next to drift off to sleep, leaving Shepard alone with her thoughts. She dreaded being alone, scared of the silence. She shifted onto her back and stared out of the skylight above the bed, the stars rushing past as the ship sped through the Milky Way Galaxy. Her eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep an hour and a half later.

_Siha… _Nightmares. Again. _Kepral's Syndrome is… not kind… _Thane. _That was for Thane, you son of bitch!… _That bastard, Leng. _Amonkira. Lord of hunters…_

"Jane?"

_Grant that my hands be steady…_

"Shepard?"

_My aim be true…_

"Sweetie?"

_And my feet be swift. And should the worst come to pass…_

"Shepard?!"

Jane shot up, panting and saw her bondmate's blue, worried eyes. She held the blanket close to her in an attempt to feel safe from the visions that haunted her.

"Another nightmare?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Thane..."

"Oh, Shepard," Liara wrapped her arms around Jane, leaning over Ashley, who was sleeping peaceully for the first time in months.

"I loved him so much..." Tears began rolling down her freckled cheeks.

"He loved you very much."

"I know." Jane let her feelings out as she bawled her eyes out, Liara holding her close, Ashley sleeping well.

– – –

Ashley stood in a bright, white, seemingly boundless space, pacing about, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. She walked to what she thought was the north, judging that fact based on where the light was coming from. She walked for what felt like hours until she heard a voice behind her.

"Ash," A man's voice said gently.

Ashley spun around and her expression brightened when she saw the man, who had features similar to hers.

"Dad!" She rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his upper body.

He hugged her back and stroked her long hair lovingly. "You've grown up so much! And you reached L-C!" He patted her back with pride.

"I missed you…." She tightened the hug and grabbed handfuls of his shirt, not wanting this moment to end.

"I miss you, too, sweetheart."

She begins to tear up. "I don't want to leave."

"You have to eventually, Ash… For now, just let the moment be."

Ashley buried her face in his shoulder, his body heat warming her. Memories of her father, both good ones as well as bad, began flooding back to her. She remembered how they enjoyed poetry together, the day she left for boot camp, and the last time she spoke to him before he passed away.

"Is this Heaven?" Ashley asked.

"No."

"What is it?"

"A plain of existence, where many spirits are destined to wander until they are re-introduced into the cycle of life."

"Is this where you live?"

"No."

"Where do you live?"

"I am allowed to pass between many plains, including the one you reside on."

"Is there a Heaven?"

"Yes."

"Have you been there?"

"Once, the day after I passed."

"Was God there?"

"Yes."

"What was he like?"

"Kind and loving, yet also a commanding presence."

"What about Jesus?"

He looked up at the sky, and saw that the light in the sky had dimmed almost to the point of darkness. "I'm sorry, I must go."

Ashley squeezed him tight. "No! Please don't leave me!"

He kissed her forehead and caressed her cheek, the phased out of her arms. "I'm sorry, Ash. I will see you again soon, I promise."

"Goodbye…."

"Goodbye." He faded away, then the dream was over.

_Author's notes: Please note that I do not believe in God or a concept of Heaven, I simply wished to represent Ashley's religious beliefs, along with her desire to see her father again._


End file.
